FUCK MICHELE BACHMANN (Common sentiment? I hope so.)

Here's the thing: People underestimate the impact of their actions.

I have come to believe this, because if I don't believe this, I must face this horrifying, overwhelming idea that some people are just evil.

Now, I could list some examples of people who underestimate their actions, and the list would contain tons of politicians, corporate bigdogs, and bad parents, but that's for another time. My rage tonight is against Michele Bachmann.

I am terrified of her potential. Her words get much attention from the right and left alike and she is, after all, a presidential hopeful. I fear that people will hear her lies, or ambiguous fear mongering speech, and never hear the people who call her out on it.

I'm afraid she will never be held accountable for her actions, the impact of which she cannot possibly know.

Enough being vague; what brought me here tonight are her recent statements about the HPV Vaccine. Now, I'm not going to defend Governer Rick Perry for what he did. In fact, I also would critique it.

He should not have passed an executive order requiring girls the age of twelve to be vaccinated against HPV- he should have presented the bill to the legislature. It does look very suspicious that Merck gave him money for his campaign (although it was $5000 out of $30 million). I don't know whether he was bought or not, but I think he should have declined that contribution if he was going to try and pass this bill as a matter of principle.

If I were a Republican candidate, I would say these things. I would probably lose, because no one these days are principled or "plays fair", but enough cynicism... What I'm trying to say is that is enough. That is the truth, and telling the truth is a sign of responsibility. What is not responsible is twisting the truth to serve your own purposes, and telling dangerous lies. 

Michele Bachmann has called this vaccine "potentially dangerous" now several times, saying Perry put the lives of twelve year old girls in jeopardy. Yesterday she crossed another line. 

“I will tell you that I had a mother last night come up to me here in Tampa, Fla., after the debate,” Bachmann explained. “She told me that her little daughter took that vaccine, that injection, and she suffered from mental retardation thereafter. The mother was crying when she came up to me last night. I didn’t know who she was before the debate. This is the very real concern and people have to draw their own conclusions.” http://www.mediaite.com/tv/doubling-down-michele-bachmann-claims-hpv-vaccine-causes-mental-retardation/

Human papillomavirus is, thanks to this vaccine, almost fully preventable- and yet unprevented it can lead to cervical cancer. Reports estimate 6 million people are infected with HPV every year, and 4000 women die from cervical cancer. http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/richard-adams-blog/2011/sep/14/michele-bachmann-republicans-hpv-vaccine

This vaccine has been administered widely, and tested thoroughly. I've taken this vaccine- many girls around my age are strongly encouraged to. 

Here's the thing: This vaccine could save my life, and the life of many many others. 

But Michele Bachman repeats this story of a woman who claims the vaccine caused her daughter's mental incapacity. She mongers fear in order to sell her story, a story which doesn't even need to be further sold! 

She's gone from making a case against Rick Perry to making one against a vaccine that protects women from cancer. She's gone from politics to medicine. 

I am so afraid that people will listen to her. I am so afraid that there will be people who think, "Maybe I shouldn't vaccinate my daughter, I heard it's potentially dangerous..." 

No one has said this but Bachmann. 

It's so ironic, too, that here she is trying to make out Perry to look like he was trying to hurt America's youth when she is the one doing the most harm. His bill had an opt out system, after all, but fear has no opt out system. Lies cannot be unheard. 

So tonight I say, fuck you Michele Bachmann. Maybe you are unaware of the impact of your words; but that's a poor excuse for someone trying to be the President of the United States of America. 

Maybe you are just evil. 

symmetry

How funny. I completely forgot about this blog- as you may have noticed. (haha...."you" being the absent universe) But I have recently really wanted a place to spill my feelings without anyone actually seeing them that I know.

I rediscovered this trying to make a new blog, and I find it really funny that my last post was in the beginning of my freshmen year of college, and this post is almost exactly a year later- the beginning of my sophomore year.

Matt and I broke up. A week into his first year at UCSC he calls me and says, "We need to take a break." I hold the phone away from me and freak out a little bit, but I gain control (okay not really) and say "Why?" "*some bullshit that I don't remember, and* I made out with another girl". It was pretty messy, especially since he followed up with an email saying he had felt misunderstood since he was rejected from everywhere and went to UCSC, and now he was amongst people who understand him. He was upset with me for getting into Berkeley and he made out with this girl purposely to spite me.

At one point we were texting back and forth and it ended with him saying something nasty and me saying fuck you.

Yeah, it was messy.

But it's over, and I'm pretty much over it. I dropped his shit off at his place and got my shit back from his Dad and younger bro, who are incredibly nice and I don't think they have a clue how much their bastard family member has hurt me. I still haven't told my mom...

Now I'm in my sophomore year. I'm living in an apartment with five people, all in Cal Band. Fun, awesome people. Busy people, and highly motivated. I'm taking Bio, Oceanography, Physics, Global Poverty, Ballet, and Intermediate Scuba Diving. I started a WiSE club but it hasn't really gone anywhere (poor leadership) and I'm trying out for Raijin Taiko.

Enough listing, let me get to the point:
I'm fucking depressed.

My friend told me this summer about her depression, and I was an asshole. I listened to her, but I couldn't help thinking "why don't you do something? you just need to be more busy, or exercise, or ______" I thought I had all the answers.
I didn't know that you could just have this sadness lurking inside you, without any clue what exactly it's stemming from, that rises up in you at random times, you're so close to falling apart without any good reason...and exercising doesn't help. Nor does keeping busy. Sure, it might put the pain on pause- but afterwards, it just comes right back again.
I told my mom I was sad and I didn't know why and she said "Yes you do, why are you sad?" I repeated that I didn't know, and she said "It's the house". We're remodeling our house to sell...my mom got a job in Los Angeles and is moving there. Meanwhile our house, the one I've lived in for thirteen years, will be either sold or rented out.
I did start crying and I think she was right, partly anyway. However I know another thing that gets me down that she did not guess, is this diet thing. Over the summer my mom told me that I had gained weight in college. I got upset, and she said that I could go on this diet my friend did if I wanted, and I agreed. You eat six 100 calorie diet cookies a day, and then a meal that had strict guidelines.
I lost about 12-14 pounds. But it stopped. I haven't lost any weight in a while. I'm starving right now, but I'm not losing weight. And my mom asks, how is the diet going? My dad asks, how is the diet going? My grandma says, I'm so proud of you for doing this. Sorry to let you all down.
But fuck, you are really letting me down. In my freshmen year at Berkeley I took a class called "Female Sexuality", and it taught me self-love, and goddammit I can't remember that lesson because I try, but I can't hear the voices saying "You're beautiful" anymore. I just look in the mirror and think "You're fat".
So those expensive diet cookies sit in my room making me feel guilty for the waste of money, meanwhile I'm debating: self-love or the approval of my family?
I'm depressed.
It might be because I'm surrounded by people who don't need me, not at all. It's weird that I didn't know that until just now- I just wrote that with my hands, read the sentence and thought "oh my god that's it". Sure, I'm sad that I was rejected from a bunch of things. I'm sad I'm not in a group. I'm sad about the house and the diet. But this is the clincher...no one needs me here.
That's why I get the urge to run away, to leave and just go....I don't know what I'm doing anymore. And this sadness makes me horrible to be around, I feel myself being boring/awkward/a downer.
I've never actually taken Karma seriously, but this feels like karma for not taking my friend's depression seriously. Now I think maybe I ought to ask her if what I'm feeling sounds familiar.
Well it's the beginning of another year. So here's to that.